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Sunday, October 13, 2013

Engineers are at their best (2)

Clever Engineer

A mathematician and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The mathematician leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The mathematician persists and explains that the game is real easy and lots of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."

Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The mathematician, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!"

This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The mathematician asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the mathematician Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the mathematician "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?"

The mathematician looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers all to no avail.

After about an hour, he wakes the engineer and hands him $50. The engineer politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.

The mathematician then hits the engineer, saying, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?" The engineer calmly pulls out his wallet, hands the mathematician five bucks, and goes back to sleep.

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Engineer and hell ( and lawyer ) ))))


An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter checks the engineer's dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer. You're in the wrong place."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. The engineer soon becomes dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing, making improvements, and building. After a while, air conditioning is running, and bathrooms and showers are built. Escalators appear from one level to another. And the engineer becomes a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan on the telephone and asks, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What? You've got an engineer? There's been a mistake! He should never have been sent down there: send him back up here."
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?

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Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said,"Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway.
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