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Saturday, September 14, 2013

Messages - Jokes for mobile (Part-1)

Titan to Rolex Titan:" Tu bhi waqt

batata hai, mein bhi

waqt

batata hu,

lekin phir bhi teri izzat

zyada kyu hai ??

.

.

.

.

.
Rolex:" Dost... Tu "

insaan ko waqt" batata

hai

Aur mein...

"Insaan Ka Waqt"

Batata hu..

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"Deliver your words..

Not by number..

But,

By weight.."

'Suprabhatam..'


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This is unbeatable !!!?

Gandhiji ke ek dost par khoon ka jhootha ilzaam laga.

Gandhiji ne muqadma lada aur oose bacha liya.

Woh bahut shukrguzaar hue aur ek sawal kiya:

"Kal jab aap nai honge toh begunah ko kaun bachayega"?

Gandhiji ne bahut khubsurat jawab dia:

"NOTE PE LAGI MERI PHOTO"..!

Se kaam ho jayega....!!!


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Ek chhoti bacchi apne Papa ke saath ja rahi thi.

1 Pul par Paani bahut tezi se bah raha tha.

Papa : Beta daro mat,

Mera haath pakad lo.

Bacchi : Nahi Papa Aap Mera haath pakad lo.

Papa (Muskura kar bole) :

Dono me kya Antar hai?

Bacchi : Agar main Aapka haath pakdu aur achanak kuch ho jaaye to shayad,

Me Aapka haath chhod du.

LEKIN agar Aap Mera haath pakdenge to,

Main janti hu ke chahe kuch bhi ho jaaye.

"AAP MERA HAATH KABHI NAHI CHHODENGE"

GREAT LOVE.

"Aaj bhi Bacche haath chhod dete hai,

Maa-Baap nahi"

Luv Ur Parents..

Dedicated to our

"PARENT'S".

MAA tab bhi roti thi, jab beta pet me laat maarta tha.

.

MAA tab bhi roti thi, jab beta gir jaata tha.

.

MAA tab bhi roti thi, jab beta bukhaar ya sardi me tadapta tha.

.

MAA tab bhi roti thi, jab beta khaana nahi khaata tha..

.

Aur,

.

"MAA aaj bhi roti hai, Jab beta KHAANA nahi deta !"

dosto

Isko itna forwd karo k koi MAA kabhi bhuki na soye. Aur uske aankh se ek QATRA paani naa aaye..If you love your mom then forward this.

I LOVE MY MOM.

Wo bhi kya din the 'MUMMY' ki godh aur 'PAPA' ke kandhe..

Na paise ki soch

Na life k funde..

Na kal ki chinta

Na future k sapne..

Ab kal ki hai fikar aur adhure hai sapne..

Mud kar dekha toh bahut door hai apne..

Manzilo ko dhundte kaha kho gaye hum,

Aakhir, itne bade kyun ho gaye hum..!!

Din bhar kaam ke

baad PAPA

puchhte hai ki...

...Kitna kamaya..?

Wife puchhegi..

...kitna bachaya..?

Beta puchhega...

...kya laya...?Lekin

Maa hi puchhegi

Beta kuch khaya..?

Agar internet free ho

to iss msg ko itna

felao Jitna aap

apni Maa se pyar

Karte ho..ek Msg

Maa k Nam..

LOVE U MAA..


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Awesome lines ... .

Must Read it carefully . . . every line has a deep meaning

Gareeb Dur tak chalta hai. . .Khana khane ke liye. . . .

Ameer meelo chalta hai Khana pachane ke liye. . . .

Kisi ke paas khane ke liye ek waqt ki roti nahi hai. . . .

Kisi ke paas roti khane ke liye Waqt hi nahi hai. . . .

Koi lachaar hai isi liye beemar hai. . .

Koi beemar hai isi liye lachaar hai. . .

Koi apno ke liye roti chod deta hai. . .

Koi roti ke liye apno ko chod deta hai

Ye duniya bhi kitni nirali hai.??

Kabhi waqt mile to sochna. . . .

Kabhi choti si chot lagne pe rote the,

aaj dil tut jaane pe bhi sambhal jate hai!

Pehle hum dosto k sath rehte the,

aaj dosto ki yaadon me rehte hai!

Pehle ladna manana roz ka kam tha,

aaj ek bar ladte he to rishte kho jate hai.

Sach me zindagi ne bahut kuch sikha dia,

jane kab hmko itna bada bana diya. . . .

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Ek faqir beekh maangne ke liye masjid ke baahar baitha raha ...

sab namaazi aankh bacha kar chale gaye ...

usey kuchh na mila ...

Wo phir church gaya , phir mandir aur phir gurudware ...

lekin usko kissi ne kuchh na diya ...

Aakhir ek maikhane ke baahar aakar baith gaya ...

Jo bhi sharabi nikalta faqir ke katorey mein kuch daal deta ...

uska katora noton se bhar gaya ...

faqir bola,


wah mere khuda...

rehtey kahaan ho aur address kahaan ka dete ho ?


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What did u Gain by Prayer & Meditation?

Swami Vivekananda's ans.:

"I Gained Nothing,

I Only LOST Anger, Depression, Jealousy, Irritation & Insecurity .."

|| SuPrabhattam ||


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Must Read :')

I bet u will love it.. ?

.

"Bus se utar kar pocket me haath daala.. mai shocked ho gya !!

Meri pocket kat chuki thi... ???

.

.

.

Pocket mein tha bhi kyaa..??

Kul 150 rs aur ek khat..!!

Jo maine apni maa ko likha tha ke meri naukari

khatam ho gayii hai.. abhii paise nhi bhej

paunga..!!

?

.

.

.

3 din se... wo postcard meri pocket mein pada tha !!

Post karne ko mann nhii kar raha tha..!! :((

Waise toh 150 rs koi bada amount nhi tha lekin jiski naukari chali gayii ho uske liye 150 rs...

1500 rs se kam nhii hote...!!! :||

??

.

.

.

Kuch din guzre.. Maa ka khat mila..

Padhne se pehle mai seham sa gaya.. Zarur paise bhejne ko likha hoga...!!!

.

Lekin khat padhkar main shocked ho gyaa..

Maa ne likha tha - "Beta, tera 500 rs ka bheja hua money order mil gya hai..!!

Tu kitna acha hai.. Paise bhejne mein kabhi laaparvaahi nhii karta.. ? ?

.

.

.

Main issi soch mein pad gya ki aakhir money order bheja toh bheja kisne...?? ????

Kuch din baad.. ek or letter mila

Badi bekaar handwriting thi.. badi mushkil se padh paaya.. ;))

.

Us mein likha tha..

"Bhai 150 rs tumhare aur 350 rs apni taraf se milakar maine tumhari maa ko money order bhej dia hai...!! :')))

?

Fikar na karna.. Maa toh sabki ek jaisi hoti hai naa..!! Wo kyun bhukhi rahe..??"

Tumhara - pick pockter bhai.. :))

?

.

.

.

Moral - Aadmi Chahe Jitna Bhi Bura Kaam Kyu Naa Karta Ho.. Par MAA Ke Liye Feelings Sab Kii Ek Jaisi Hii Hoti Haii... ? ? ??

"There Izz Always Goodness In Every Person.. It Just Needs To Be Touched !!

Full form of Mummy...?

M-ma

u-u live

m-many

m-more

y-years....


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Bapu mumbai ma chhokari jova gaya

Kanya na pita : tame shu karo chho ?

Bapu : green wood stick no business karu chhu

Kanya na pita : jara detail ma batavo ne

Bapu : datan vechu chhu


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Mandir k pujari ko loose motion ho gaya..

medicine lete samay pujari ne dctr ko poocha "ANY PRECAUTIONS?"

Doctor said,

"SHANKH ? zor se mat bajaana" ... .??


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Mujhe bazar jana huwa,

Mere pas paise nahin the,

2 dost mile,

1 ne 1000 ka note diya,

2sre ne 500 ka,

1000 ka note gum ho gaya,

500 me se 300 ki shopping ki,

baqi bache 200 me se 100

usko diya jisne 1000 diya tha aur 100 usko jisne 500 diya,

1000 wale k baqi 900 aur 500 wale k 400 ,

900 +400 = 1300 ,

300 shopping,

total 1300 +300 = 1600 huye,

ab mujhe samajh me nahin aa raha k maine to

1500 hi liye the, 1600 kahan se aye

Reply


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DEADLY PJs

Pls... scrol down at ur own risk...

Q1. RAM SITA HAI ... TO RAM KAUN HAI ?? ...

Ans - . TAILOR ( darzi )?

Q2. SITA RAM HAI TO SITA KAUN HAI

Ans - . Sita MEMORY hai (RAM: Random Access Memory)

Q3. Prasad ask's Kumble to bring a pepsi... Kumble brings a bottle of pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar.? why ?? why ?? ?

Ans:- Tendulkar is an opener

Q4. The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie 'heart is umbrella'. Which movie did he really want to see?

Ans:- Dil Chhata Hai!

Q5. Woh kya hai jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai par Dhadkan main nahi?

Ans:- aarey Aamir Khan !!!!!!!

Q6. What will! u call a person who is leaving India ?? Socho...............

Ans:- Hindustan Lever (Leaver).

Q7. Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya tha?

Ans:- adidas?

Q8. Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes a well. Luv falls into the well. Why ?

Ans:- Because Luv is blind!!!!!??

Now Kush also jumps inside. Why? OK lot's of head scratching done.

Ans:- Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!!

Want one more...

Q9. Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?.. nahi pata..??

Ans:- D'Cold

(Chain ki saans - D'cold )

Q10. chalo ab batao... Jackie Chan ki bahu ka naam kya hai ? this is quite simple..

Ans:- D'Cold again kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu thi

!!!!!. This Joke will destroy your power of thinking

.. What do you call a Cow Dancing? . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Guidance

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Every morning u have two choices!

Continue your sleep with Dreaming.

Or

Wake up and Chase your Dreams...

"Choice is yours".


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Yeh sabko hila dega....

Teacher: Taro Bapu su

kam kare che?

Jignesh : HDFC na Malik che

Teacher: Wah Saras!

HDFC na Full Form su?

Jignesh : Hiralal Dhokla & Farsan Centre...!!!


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Bapu: ela jivla...Padosh ma koi lambi bai chhe?

Jivlo: Ha

Bapu: Ena kapda lai aav...

Jivlo: kapda??

Bapu: Ha

Dr e kidhu chhe thandi lage to lambi bai na kapda paherva

? ?


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3 sardar picnic par gaye??? wahan jaakar yaad aaya ?? ?? ?? "PEPSI" to ghar par bhul gaye... ?? ?? ?? Decide kiya k sab se chota sardar jakar pepsi le aye... Chhota sardar: "Mai ek shartt par jaunga???????? Tum dono, mere aane tak samose nahi khaoge.." ? ?? Dono ne kaha thik hai ?? .. .. .. ?????????? ?????????? ? din guzar gaye Chhota sardar nahi aya.. ?????????? ?????????? ? din guzar gaye Chhota sardar nahi aya.. ??Dono ne sochha?? ke ab samose kha lene chahiye.. Jaise hi samosa uthaya.. chhota sardar ped ke pichhe se nikal ke bola.. ? ''Aisa karoge toh mai nahi jaunga...!!!!!"??? ????p
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There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, Tattooed biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, with his fist in my face.
As I burst into tears the biker says, "Come on, man," "I didn't think you'd CRY, dude I was just messing with ya"
"This is the worst day of my life," I say. Everything has gone wrong, I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man... and then my dog bit me."
"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a cyanide capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; and then you show up and drink the whole damn thing!
But hell, enough about me, how are you doing?"


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Difference between
Gujarati and English medium school.
English medium school picnic at Zoo.
'Hey dude look at that monkey ...
So cute ...
He is Sleeping,
Don't disturb him.'
Gujarati medium School Picnic at Zoo.
Ramla Taro Baap Suto che Jo,
Maar Patthar sala ne...
Seno unghe,
Paisa apya 6 jovana!!'...

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Photographer studio me 6 saal ke bachey se bolta hai :
Meri taraf dekho beta
is camera se kabutar niklega.
Bacha:
Focus adjust kar
Jaahilon wali baat mat kar
Portrait Mode Use karna,
Macro k sath,
ISO 200 ke andar rakhna,
High Resolution me pic aani chahiye
Facebook pe upload karni hai warna paise nahi milenge.
SAALA...
"kabutar nikaalega.."
Tere baap ne kabutar dala tha isme!!

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एक राजा था जिसकी प्रजा हम
भारतीयों की तरह सोई हुई थी !
बहुत से लोगों ने कोशिश की
प्रजा जग जाए ..
अगर कुछ गलत हो रहा है तो
उसका विरोध करे,
लेकिन प्रजा को कोई फर्क
नहीं पड़ता था !
राजा ने तेल के दाम बढ़ा दिये
प्रजा चुप रही
राजा ने अजीबो गरीब टैक्स
लगाए प्रजा चुप रही
राजा ज़ुल्म करता रहा लेकिन
प्रजा चुप रही
एक दिन राजा के दिमाग मे एक
बात आई उसने एक अच्छे-चौड़े
रास्ते को खुदवा के एक पुल
बनाया ..
जबकि वहां पुल की कतई
ज़रूरत नहीं थी ..
प्रजा फिर भी चुप थी किसी ने
नहीं पूछा के भाई यहा तो किसी
पुल की ज़रूरत नहीं है
आप काहे बना रहे है ?
राजा ने अपने सैनिक उस पुल
पे खड़े करवा दिए और पुल से
गुजरने वाले हर व्यक्ति से टैक्स
लिया जाने लगा फिर भी किसी
ने कोई विरोध नहीं किया !
फिर राजा ने अपने सैनिको को
हुक्म दिया कि जो भी इस पुल
से गुजरे उसको 4 जूते मारे जाए
और एक शिकायत पेटी भी पुल
पर रखवा दी कि किसी को अगर
कोई शिकायत हो तो शिकायत
पेटी मे लिख कर डाल दे लेकिन
प्रजा फिर भी चुप !
राजा रोज़ शिकायत पेटी खोल
कर देखता की शायद किसी ने
कोई विरोध किया हो लेकिन
उसे हमेशा पेटी खाली मिलती !
कुछ दिनो के बाद अचानक एक
एक चिट्ठी मिली ..
राजा खुश हुआ के चलो कम से
कम एक आदमी तो जागा ,,,,,
जब चिट्ठी खोली गयी तो उसमे
लिखा था -
"हुजूर जूते मारने वालों की
संख्या बढ़ा दी जाए ...
हम लोगो को काम पर जाने मे
देरी होती है !
aise ho gaye hai hum indian. Zarra sochna is barre mein
Pls must read... & forward to all ur friends & relatives
and next election must be vote for india

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I.Q. Test:
Char zero ek saat likho
.
.
.
Likha?
.
kaise?
.
0000 aise likha?
.
.
.
Fail...
.
.
Correct Ans ' 4017 '
.
Ghar walo ne kitni umido se padhaya,
sab pani mein...

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1 ladki apne byfrnd se park mei roz
milne jati. Wo roz time par
pohchti,lekin ladka hamsha late ata. lekn ladki kabhi us se naraz nai hoti 1din ladki park mei nahi
pohnchi,ladka gusse uske ghar gya.
Waha pata chala k ladki ko blood
cancr hai, sirf 6 din jiye gi. Ladka rote huye ghar aya or sucied
karney buildng k 100 ve floor pr gya or
ladki k liye 1 lettr choda.. Us me
likha tha "tum mera humesha w8 karti thi or
me roz late ata tha lekin aj me jaldi
p0hnch rha hu or tumhara w8
krunga.." thik usi wakt waha se krissshhh ja rha
tha kya krisshhh usey bacha payga? janne k lye
Dekhye krisshhh 3 jald hi apne
najdiki cinema gharo me.... I know u want to kill me for this
message.... but wht to do yaaro
wt app. free hai na...to logo ko
kuch bhi bhejo... bade interest se
padhte rehte hai..

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Gabbar:- Kitne Admi the?
Sambha:- Srkr 2.
Gabbar:- Mujhe ginti nahi ati, 2 kitne hote he??
Smb:- 2 1 ke Baad ata he.
Gab:- aur 2 k pehle??
Smb:- 2 k pehle 1 ata he.
Gabbr:- To bich me kaun ata he?
Samb:- Bichme koi nahi ata.
Gab:- To fir Dono ek sath Q nahi ate?
Smb:- 2 1 k bad hi aa sakta he Qki 2 1 se bada he
Gab:- 2 1 se Kitna bada he?
Samba:- ullu k patthey, kaminey goli marni h to mar de, tera namak khaya hai, chavananprash nahi.

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A Man dies.
In heaven he sees a large Wall full of Clocks..
He asks angel:What are these for?
Angel ans:These r Lie Clocks, every person has lie clock, Whenever U lie on earth, clock moves..
The Man points towards a clock n asks:Whose clock is this?
Angel says:its Vivekanand's. It never moved showing that he never told a lie.
The man asks:
Where is Aasaram's clock?
Angel replies:That's in our office..
We use it as a
TABLE FAN. . .

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A letter from a teacher to a parent:
===================
Dear Parent,
Kumar doesn't smell nice in class, Please try to Bath him!!!!
Parent answer:
===================
Dear Teacher,
Kumar is not a rose, Dont smell him,Teach him.


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Boy:" pen hai ??
Girl:" nahi..
Thodi der baad..
Boy:" pen hai ??
Girl:" nahi bola na..
Boy:" pen hai pen ??
Girl:" nahi hai kaminey, aur abki bar pucha to
to hathode se sar phod dungi
Kuch der baad...
Boy:" hathoda hai kya..???
Girl:" nahi..
Boy:" accha.. to phir pen hai pen..???..


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A guy calls an unknown number..
Guy: Fridge hai?
Reply: Haan hai.
Guy: Chalta hai?
Reply: Haan chalta hai..
Guy: Toh pakad ke rakhna, warna bhaag jaayega..
And he hangs up.. After a while, he calls up again..
Guy: Fridge hai?
This time the person's really angry.
Reply: Nahi hai.
Guy: Kahaan se hoga.. Bola tha na pakad ke rakhna varna
bhaag jaayega..

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A man in USA sees a dog attacking a girl!
He kicks the dog, it dies!
Newspapers report
"LOCAL HERO SAVES LADY FROM DOG"
Man says i'm not American
Report changed
"Foreign Hero Saves girl from Dog"
Man says:
Actually I'm Pakistani
Breaking News:
"Terrorist killed Innocent Dog which was playing with a girl"

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Heart melting love story:
Boy: I can't marry u.
My family is totally against it.
Girl: Who r they 2 stop u?
Boy: My wife & 2 kids.

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White House receptionist to OBAMA..
"Sir..someone has called up but not speaking anything"
OBAMA - Tell him Namaste !!
He must be Manmohan Sing from INDIA

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Dr:Kaise aana hua?
Patient: Doctorsaab tabiyat theek nahi hain
Dr: Sharab peete ho?
Patient: Peeta to hoon, par chhota peg hi banana. I'm not
feeling well !

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Teacher-How many planets are there?
Santa -Mercury, Venus, Jupiter vagerah. Vagerah
Teacher-Aur batao?
Santa-Aur bas ...sab badhiya!!! Ekdum
Mata raani ki kripa....
Aap sunao...??

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