Google+ Badge

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Messages - Jokes for mobile (Part-2)



A Bird asks a Bee : After hard work, you make honey. But Man steal your Honey. Do you not feel Sad?
Bee replies: "Never.! One can steal my honey not my art.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Asaram Bapu dies:
His PA calls heaven to find out if he's reached.
A lady picks up phone.
“Hello, this is Virgin Mary speaking”.
PA disconnects and calls again after 1 hour..
“Hello, this is Mary speaking”.
PA (smiles): Thank God, Guruji has REACHED !! 


-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Black colour galaxy Note 2 64 gb for sale for Rs 14000 ... 1 month used... as good as new... (Orignal cost Rs 42000 ) my friend wants to sell it... Tell me asap if u want it... See the pic if u want to
{ http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ThtSWn3PWc8/TJ0KqMSbZMI/AAAAAAAAEzc/so0u-E3pnMs/s 1600 /fea.j}

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Rajanikanth ...Am back with new ones .....

Recently china airports were closed due to heavy fog ........ Later it was
discovered that Rajanikanth was smoking in India!!!!!!!!!!

Rajanikanth did his KG from seven different places..Today those places are
known as IITs!!!!!!

Government of india pays tax to Rajanikanth for living in India!!!!!!!
Definition of solar eclipse:

When Rajanikanth stares at sun with anger, sun hides behind the moon.
This greatest phenomena is called Solar Eclipse.........!!!!

Rajanikanth woke up one day and decided he should share atleast one
percent of his knowledge with the world......
Thus.......The google was born!!!

Think what would have happened if Rajani would have born 150 years
ago..?????
British would have fought for Independance....


Best Rajani joke!!!!!! Even Ghajini remembers Rajani!!!!

Why do earthquakes occur?????
Because at that time Rajanikanth's mobile is on vibration mode!!!!!!!!!

Once Rajanikanth bunked a whole day in school.....!
Since then that day is known as.............Sunday!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The pyramids in Egypt are actually.............
Rajanikanths primary school craft projects!!!!!!!!!!!!

Breaking news: ISRO does not exists anymore.....!!
Rajanikanth purchased all the rockets for Diwali celebration!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why did Rajani buy an acre of land wth 4 wells on each corner?????
...................... To play Carrom!!!!!!

Before Tom Cruise, Rajani was approached for the movie Mission
Impossible, but Rajani refused as he found the title insulting....


-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x


 How to keep
a woman happy . . .

It's really not difficult to make a woman happy.

A man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a man
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a bug exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
44. Compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. Give her compliments frequently
46. Love shopping
47. Be honest
48. Be very rich
49. Never stress her
50. Never look at other women!

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. Give her lots of space
VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:

* birthdays
* anniversaries
* her favorite color
* her favorite flower
* her favorite gem
* her favorite fragrance
* her favorite memories
* her favorite holidays
* her favorite friends
* her favorite vacation destinations
* her favorite beverage
* her favorite food
* her favorite restaurant
* any arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

Just leave him alone..... And he'll be just fine

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

EK shaitaani Chudel ne 60 saal ke husband
& wife se kaha..
Main tum dono ki ek ek wish puri kar sakti
hun..
Wife :- Main apne pati ke saath saari
duniya ghoomna chaahti hun..
Chudel ne chutki bajayi aur 2 tickets aa
gaye..
Fir husband se poochha..
Tum bolo kya chaahte ho??
Husband :- Mujhe apne se 30 saal chhoti
wife chaahiye..
Chudel ne chutki bajayi aur husband ko
90 saal ka kar dia!!
Moral :- Aadmi ko yaad rakhna chaahiye ke
Chudel bhi aurat hi hoti hai.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"Guzri hui jindgi ko
kabhi yaad na kar,
Taqdir me jo likha hai
uski fariyad na kar...
Jo hoga wo hokar rahega,
Tu kalki fikar me
apni aaj ki hasi
barbad na kar...
Hans marte hue bhi gata hai
aur Mor nachte hue bhi rota hai...
Ye jindagi ka funda hai boss
Dukho wali raat
neend nahi aati
Aur
Khushi wali raat
kaun sota hai!

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

What Indian advertisements teach us?
_________________________________


SOMEBODY HAS HAD A LOT OF TIME ON HAND TO ANALYZE THIS! ENJOYABLE NEVERTHELESS

1. Kareena has dandruff problem,
Katrina has dry hair problem, Shilpa
has hairfall problem and Priyanka has
chip-chip.
2. If you've a hot wife, make sure your
neighbor doesn't use a Deodorant in
your absence.
3. Your complexion is more important
than your qualifications.
4. If there is no salt in your kitchen, you
can use Toothpaste.
5. Every oral care brand is No. 1
and recommended by every dentist
in India and by the Indian Medical
Association!
6.Your daughterwill getready to
marry, if onlyyou take her to a
jewellery or textile shop.
7. Only reason why men use deodorant
is to get girls.
8. Most colas cure all kinds of phobias.
You will be close to a superman, if
you drink these regularly!!
9. All superstars are so poor that they
prefer to risk life by jumping from
mountain cliffsfor a cool drink than
purchase it for Rs.10/-
10. The special effects in shampoo ads
are greater than special effects in
the film "Avatar".
11. Fruit content in shampoos and
soaps is more than fruit content in
99% of real fresh fruit juices.
12. Amul has better satirical cartoonists
thantheir staffwho make better
milk products.
13. Most people buy vehicles to travel
in bad roads but complain about
roads in India.
14. You can't eat Dairy Milk Silk
without spreading it all over you
face.
15. Nobody uses motorbikes for
commuting. It isonly to pick up
girls.
16. All soaps kill 99.9999999 % of germs.
17. People believe that Bacardi makes
only music CDs and Director's
special. Kingfisher makes only
mineral water.
18. The only time mothers and
daughters talk to each other is
usually about hair oil.
19. No matter what kind of expert one
is, he'll always wear a white
laboratory coat.
And finally:
20.Mutual fund investments are
subject to market risks.
Please read the offer document
carefully before investing


-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Wow. This one cuts deep.
One young man went to apply for a managerial position in a big company. He passed the initial interview, and now would meet the director for the final interview.

The director discovered from his CV that the youth's academic achievements were excellent. He asked, "Did you obtain any scholarships in school?" the youth answered "no".

" Was it your father who paid for your school fees?"

"My father passed away when I was one year old, it was my mother who paid for my school fees.” he replied.

" Where did your mother work?"

"My mother worked as Clothes cleaner."

The director requested the youth to show his hands. The youth showed a pair of hands that were smooth and perfect.

" Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes before?"

"Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books. Besides, my mother can wash clothes faster than me.

The director said, "I have a request. When you go home today, go and clean your mother's hands, and then see me tomorrow morning.

The youth felt that his chance of landing the job was high. When he went back home, he asked his mother to let him clean her hands. His mother felt strange, happy but with mixed feelings, she showed her hands to her son.

The youth cleaned his mother's hands slowly. His tear fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother's hands were so wrinkled, and there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that his mother winced when he touched it.

This was the first time the youth realized that it was this pair of hands that washed the clothes everyday to enable him to pay the school fees. The bruises in the mother's hands were the price that the mother had to pay for his education, his school activities and his future.

After cleaning his mother hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother.

That night, mother and son talked for a very long time.

Next morning, the youth went to the director's office.

The Director noticed the tears in the youth's eyes, when he asked: "Can you tell me what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?"

The youth answered," I cleaned my mother's hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes'

“I know now what appreciation is. Without my mother, I would not be who I am today. By helping my mother, only now do I realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done on your own. And I have come to appreciate the importance and value of helping one’s family.

The director said, "This is what I am looking for in a manager. I want to recruit a person who can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the sufferings of others to get things done, and a person who would not put money as his only goal in life.”

“You are hired.”

This young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates. Every employee worked diligently and worked as a team. The company's performance improved tremendously.

A child, who has been protected and habitually given whatever he wanted, would develop an "entitlement mentality" and would always put himself first. He would be ignorant of his parent's efforts. When he starts work, he assumes that every person must listen to him, and when he becomes a manager, he would never know the sufferings of his employees and would always blame others. For this kind of people, who may be good academically, they may be successful for a while, but eventually they would not feel a sense of achievement. They will grumble and be full of hatred and fight for more. If we are this kind of protective parents, are we really showing love or are we destroying our children instead?

You can let your child live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn piano, watch on a big screen TV. But when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it. After a meal, let them wash their plates and bowls together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to lov

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

A Father put his 3year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying,
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this,
"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
"Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.
He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said,
"I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my boss dropped dead in the middle of a meeting...?

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Lazyness rocks:
Boy:mom, pls giv me a glass of water,
mom: u cum & drink.
Boy: pls mom.
Mom: if u repeat, i'll slap u.
Boy: wen u cum to slap me, bring the water.,....

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Santa in computer exam
Examinor: what is microsoft excel
Santa : microsoft excel is the brand of surf excel for wash the computer
Santa rocks examinor shoks .

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

1 pinjre mein kuch totey ek toti ko chhed rahe the...
Jabki dusre pinjre me ek tota puja aur dusra tota namaz padh raha tha.
Maalik ne socha "Kitne nek tote hain, inke pinjre me toti safe rahegi."
Usne toti ko nek toton ke pinjre me daal diya.
Jab toti us pinjre me aa gayi toh puja karne wala tota namaz padhne wale tote se bola...
"Utho Khan sahab dua qubool ho gayi... Item aa gayi.."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

A mom
asked her elder kid
to explain diwali
to his bro ..
.
He replied:
"So luk, this dude Ram had,
like a big kingdom,
& people liked him bt,
like his step mom or sumthin,
was kinda bitch and she forcd her hubby
to send this Ram to sum jungle or sumthin..
Coz he was goin for 14yrs,
So his wife n bro got along..(U knw just 2 chill)
Bt dude forest was real scary shit..
Was full of devils n shit like dat,
bt dis dude killed thm wid arrows..
Bt den sum bad gangsta- Ravan
pickd up his babe sita..
Dis Dude n his bro got pissd off..
So dey got an army of monkeys..
dnt ask hw...
Attackd dem,
got d babe n returnd home..
People thot atleast dey deserv sumthn
Dey had no bars or clubs or smoke stuff to party...
So they lit lamps..
N this is how it all started..
MOM FAINTED

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Married man
(Dukhi bhi nahi ho sakta)
Wife: I love you baby..
Husband: (softly) i love you too..
Wife: upset kyo lg rhe ho....??
Husband: Bas thoda mood off tha..
Wife: Doston ke saath to bade khush rehte ho, aur mere saath hi drame..
Husband: (pyar se) Aisa kuch nahi jaanu, tabiyat thodi theek nahi hai..
Wife: Haan abhi dost phone karega to 2 sec me tabiyat theek ho jayegi..
Husband: Dost kahan se aa gaye, mera mood thoda upset hai bas..
Wife: Mere saath hi ye sab hota hai, friends ke saath enjoy karte ho, badi has has k pictures click karwate ho. Ya koi aur ladki pasand aa gayi..??
Husband: (aur jyada pyar se) arrey, kahan se kahan baat le jaa rahi ho..?
Wife: Aaj sab clear hoga!!
Husband: Kya clear karna hai jaanu, aisa kya ho gaya..??
Wife: (khud confused) Jab tum khud clear nahi, tumhe kuch pata nahi to me kya bolun..!!
Husband: (trying to act smart) Tumhe hua kya hai!! kis baat pe upset ho?? Batao!!
Wife: Tumhari sangat hi kharab hai!!
Husband: Mere saath to tum ho!!
Wife: Ab bohot ho gaya, ab aur nahi!!
Husband: (fully crashed) Hua kya hai, ye to bata do..
Wife: Hum ab saath nahi reh sakte?..
Husband: Ye baat kahan se aayi?..
Wife: i want Divorce..
Husband: Hmmmm ok?..
Wife: (gone crazy) Haan, yehi chahte ho tum to, fir tum jo marzi kar sako..
Husband: Arrey tumne khudne bola abhi, maine kya galat kaha..
Wife: Itni problem thi to bola kyun nahi, me khud bina bole chali jaati tumhari life se..
Husband: (apne baal pakad kar) Mujhe meri galti to bata do..
Wife: Waqt aane pe pata chalegi tumhe apne aap, jab me chali jaungi..
Husband: Acha, to me wait karta hoon sahi waqt ka..
Wife: Tum serious kab hoge..??
Husband: Ab kya hospital me admit ho jaun serious hone k liye?..
Wife: Go to hell..!!
Husband: Dont call me again?..
AFTER 3 HOURS..
Wife: Tumhe pata hai na me tumhare bina nahi reh sakti jaanu, sorry i love you my baby..
Husband: (Sab bhool kar) Acha, i love you tooo
Wife: upset kyun lag rahe ho?............... !!!!

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Gujarati wife no kamal
Jo Columbus ne Gujarati wife hot to?
E kyarey america na shodhi shakyo hot..
kem ke...?????
Wife-
tame kya jav chho?
Kyare pachha avsho?
Kem atlo badho time?
Koni sathe jav chho?
Sha mate jav chho?
Shu shodhva jav chho?
Anathi shu thase?
Fakt tame j kem,
bija nathi?
Tame jasho,
pachhi hu shu karish?
Tame
rahesho, khasho, pisho kya?
Tame mane
yad to karsho ne?
Mara mate shu lavsho?
Shu hu tamari sathe avu?
Pacha avta shak lai avjo..
Tamne mara sam
Jaldi pachha avjo..
Pahochi ne tarat janavjo.
kagal lakhta rehjo..
Columbus-
le mari maa.!!
Nathi jato khush....

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Gujrati Husband came home drunk. To avoid wife's scolding, he took a laptop & started working.
Wife: Pi ne avyo che ?
Husband: Na mari ma...
Wife: Gadheda, to pachi suitcase kholi ne su type kare che. ?

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Cellphone Etiquette
After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her Eyes,😴
As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice
"Hi Sweetheart, its Eric, I'm on the Train.""Yes, I know it's Six thirty and not four thirty, but I had A Long Meeting".
"No, honey, Not with the blonde from the Accounts Office, It was wid the Boss". "No Sweetheart, You're the only one in My life"."Yes, I'm sure, Cross my heart".
Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly. When the Young Woman sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone "darling, hang up the phone and come back to bed."😋

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Awesome lines ... .
Must Read it carefully . . . ✔every line has a deep meaning
·        Gareeb Dur tak chalta hai. . .Khana khane ke liye. . . .
·        Ameer meelo chalta hai Khana pachane ke liye. . . .
·        Kisi ke paas khane ke liye ek waqt ki roti nahi hai. . . .
·        Kisi ke paas roti khane ke liye Waqt hi nahi hai. . . .
·        Koi lachaar hai isi liye beemar hai. . .
·        Koi beemar hai isi liye lachaar hai. . .
·        Koi apno ke liye roti chod deta hai. . .
·        Koi roti ke liye apno ko chod deta hai
·        Ye duniya bhi kitni nirali hai.🌐
·        Kabhi waqt mile to sochna. . . .
·        Kabhi choti si chot lagne pe rote the,
aaj dil tut jaane pe bhi sambhal jate hai!
✅Pehle hum dosto k sath rehte the,

aaj dosto ki yaadon me rehte hai!
✅Pehle ladna manana roz ka kam tha,

aaj ek bar ladte he to rishte kho jate hai.
✅Sach me zindagi ne bahut kuch sikha dia,

jane kab hmko itna bada bana diya. . . .

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

American boy: Mom I'm dark even though u r white, why?
Mom: Listen son, Considering all mistakes n crazy things i had done in my youth, forget about you are Dark, just thank god that u dont bark! 

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

A man was walking in rain
A sweet lady: y don't you share my umbrella?
Man: no sister its fine
(And he walked away)
Moral:
Moral voral kuch nai
Piche biwi aa rahi thi


-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Ek Ghar Mein Chor Ghusa.... Jaise Hi Tijori todne Laga Uspe Likha Tha:-
Todne Ki Jarurat Nahi Hai, Button Dabao Apne Aap Khul Jayegi.
Chor Ne Jaise Hi Button Dabaya, Zor Se Alarm Baja Aur 2 Minute Mein Security Guards Ne Use Pakad Liya.
Police Aayi, Inspector Ne Chor Se Puchha:-
Apni Safayi Mein Kuch Kahna Chahoge ?
Chor Rote Hue: Sirf Itna hi kahna chahunga ki Maa Kasam, Aaj Insaniyat Se Vishwas Uth gaya....


-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Friends, please reply with comments and follow me  if you really like this blog.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails