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Saturday, December 3, 2011

YOU MAY BE AN ENGINEER...

Dedicated to all my engineer friends




  • If you refer to your spouse as "\woman at home.wife,"
  • If your favorite TV show is "Mr. Wizard" instead of "Baywatch,"
  • If when your family is expecting, you are more interested in the ultra-sound equipment than the test results,
  • If when someone asks "What's new?" you answer "C over lambda,"
  • If you know Bill Gates' e-mail address, and don't remember your own,
  • If you are always asking your friends from marketing to hold two leads to a giant capacitor,
  • If you find your head nodding up and down every time you read Dilbert,
  • If your pocket is full of too many mechanical pencils,
  • If when your 3-year old asks "Why is the sky blue?" you start explaining it to them,
  • If you can explain which direction the water spins as you flush the toilet and why,
  • If you go to the air show, and you start calculating how fast the sky divers are falling,
  • you may be an engineer; if you start telling all the people around you, you definitely are.
  • If you need a spreadsheet to figure out who owes what for lunch,
  • If you plan your family vacation on a Gantt chart,
  • If you pre-plan your route on a map of the exhibits through the annual computer show at Moscone Center,
  • If you read PC World and Popular Mechanics while on vacation,
  • If you are willing to debate for two hours the possible results of an experiment that
  • takes five minutes to run,
  • If you know the altitudes at which you must turn off electronic devices on an airplane, and why,
  • If on a camping trip, your spouse starts complaining about bug "bites" and you respond that "Yes, we do need more memory in our computer,"
  • If Dilbert is your hero
  • If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
  • If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas
  • If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes
  • If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
  • If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX2-50
  • If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
  • If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
  • If you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife"
  • If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
  • If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
  • If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car
  • If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
  • If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string
  • If you window shop at Radio Shack
  • If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest Sci-Fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies
  • If you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area
  • If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run
  • If you are convinced you can build a phazer out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment
  • If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is
  • If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven
  • If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush
  • If you own "Official Star Trek" anything
  • If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside
  • If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception
  • If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project
  • If you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor
  • If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts
  • If you have never backed-up your hard drive
  • If you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud
  • If you truly believe aliens are living among us
  • If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
  • If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is"
  • If you see a good design and still have to change it
  • If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions
  • If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it
  • If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind
  • If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don't remember where they are
  • If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires
  • If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal
  • If you have more toys than your kids
  • If you need a checklist to turn on the TV
  • If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name
  • If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
  • If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight
  • If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it
  • If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary
  • If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery Channel and have seen most of the shows already
  • If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for
  • If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal
  • If you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screw driver to use
  • If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting
  • If people groan at the party when you pick out the music=7F
  • If you can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week
  • If you did the sound system for your senior prom
  • If your checkbook always balances
  • If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone
  • If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life
  • If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the Mission Controllers
  • If you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep
  • If you spend more on your home computer than your car
  • If you know what http:/ stands for
  • If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio
  • If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage
  • If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory
  • If your lap-top computer costs more than your car
  • If your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate

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