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Saturday, December 3, 2011

Engineer Again . . .


An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."




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There are four engineers driving home from a car donation warehouse: a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer. The car breaks down.

"Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We'll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again," says the mechanical engineer.

"Well," says the chemical engineer, "it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system."

"I thought it might be a grounding problem," says the electrical engineer, "or maybe a faulty plug lead."

They all turn to the computer engineer who had said nothing. "Well, what do you think?"

"Ummm - how about if we all get out of the car and get back in again?"




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TOP 20 ENGINEERS' TERMINOLOGIES




1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED - We are still pissing in

the wind.




2. EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE

PROBLEM - We just hired three kids fresh out of college.




3. CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION - We know who to blame.




4. MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH - It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.




5. CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED - We are so far behind

schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.




6. PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE - The darn thing blew

up when we threw the switch.




7. TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING - We are so surprised that the

stupid thing works.




8. THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED - The only person who

understood the thing quit.




9. IT IS IN THE PROCESS - It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about

hopeless.




10. WE WILL LOOK INTO IT - Forget it! We have enough problems for now.




11. PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL - Let's spread the responsibility for the screw up.




12. GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING - We'll listen to what you have to say

as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already done.




13. GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION - I can't wait to hear this bull!




14. SEE ME or LET'S DISCUSS - Come into my office, I'm lonely.




15. ALL NEW - Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.




16. RUGGED - Too damn heavy to lift!




17. LIGHTWEIGHT - Lighter than RUGGED.




18. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - One finally worked.




19. ENERGY SAVING - Achieved when the power switch is off.




20. LOW MAINTENANCE - Impossible to fix if broken.


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