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Monday, May 31, 2010

One Line Humor

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something

[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!

[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.

[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs. Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!

Friday, May 21, 2010

Quick Vastu Tips

1. Keep all electrical/heat generating appliances in the SE corner of the room.
2. Do not construct kitchen, toilets and prayer room (puja-room) next to one another.
3. The kitchen should not be directly in front of the main door.
4. Do not keep broken mirrors, and watches and electrical gadgets which are either lying idle or out of order in the house.
5. Mirrors, sinks, wash-basins and taps should preferably be along the NE wall.
6. The safe should open towards the north or the east. So, keep it along south or the west.
7. The toilet seat should preferably be along the North-South axis. The septic tank can be in the NW or the SE corner of the House.
Avoid having garbage dump, street-light pole, or boulders in front of the main gate or door. Your main door should not be opposite the main door of another house.
8. The number of doors and windows should be more on the ground floor and less on the upper floor.
9. The image of Gajalaxmi at the main door is considered auspicious.
10. The north-east corner is the face house and should always be kept clean.
11. While cleaning the floor with any disinfectant, a little sea salt should be added.
12. Students should study facing the north or east.
13. Do not sit or sleep under a beam. Do not keep or hang paintings depicting war, crime, violence, unrest, agony or distress.
14. Construct the front door in such a manner as to avoid the fall of a shadow on it. Grow a tulsi or basil plant in front of the house.
15. Do not have any cactus in the house. Having it outside the boundry is good. Rain water or drainage should flow towards NE-East-North.
16. Material to be used in the construction of a house or even commercial building should always be new, except when renovating. Elderly people are always more comfortable in the South-West corner.
17. The height of the building should reduced from the SW to the NE.
18. Do not have a toilet or prayer room (puja room) under a staircase.
19. Do not dig well in the middle of a house or plot. It is very inauspicious.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Watching Dirty Films

The Boss

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.

The ghost says: Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"
So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff and he was gone.

Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails."Pfufffff and he was also gone.

The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back right now ." Pfuffff ……….:p




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