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Sunday, December 27, 2009

HR OFFICERS & ENGINEERS - 3 Real Life Stories...

The First …
Eleven people were dangling below a helicopter on a rope. There were ten HR people and one engineer.
Since the rope was not strong enough to hold all the eleven, they decided that one of them had to let go to save all the others.
They could not decide who should be the volunteer. Finally the engineer said he would let go of the rope since engineers are used to do everything for the company. They forsake their family, don’t claim all of their expenses and do a lot of overtime without getting anything in return.
When he finished his moving speech all the HR people began to clap…
Moral:
Never underestimate the powers of the engineer.

The Second …

A group of engineers and a group of HR people take a train to a conference. Each HR person holds a ticket. But the entire group of engineers has bought only one ticket for a single passenger. The HR people are just shaking their heads and are secretly pleased that the arrogant engineers will finally get what they deserve.
Suddenly one of the engineers calls out: “The conductor is coming!”. At once, all the engineers jump up and squeeze into one of the toilets. The conductor checks the tickets of the HR people. When he notices that the toilet is occupied he knocks on the door and says: “Ticket, please!” One of the engineers slides the single ticket under the doors and the conductor continues merrily on his round.
For the return trip the HR people decide to use the same trick. They buy only one ticket for the entire group but they are baffled as they realize that the engineers didn’t buy any tickets at all. After a while one of the engineers announces again: “The conductor is coming!” Immediately all the HR people race to a toilet and lock themselves in.
All the engineers leisurely walk to the other toilet. Before the last engineer enters the toilet, he knocks on the toilet occupied by the HR people and says: “Ticket, please!”

And the moral of the story? HR people like to use the methods of the engineers, but they don’t really understand them.

The Third …
Once upon a time three HR people were walking through the woods and suddenly they were standing in front of a huge, wild river. But they desperately had to get to the other side. But how, with such a raging torrent? The first HR guy knelt down and prayed to the Lord: “Lord, please give me the strength to cross this river! "

*pppppfffffffuuuuffffffff*

The Lord gave him long arms and strong legs. Now he could swim across the river. It took him about two hours and he almost drowned several times.

BUT… he was successful!

The second HR guy, who observed this, prayed to the Lord and said: “Lord, please give me the strength AND the necessary tools to cross this river!”

*pppppfffffffuuuuffffffff*

The Lord gave him a tub and he managed to cross the river despite the fact that the tub almost capsized a couple of times.

BUT… he was successful!

The third HR man who observed all this kneeled down and prayed: “Lord, please give me the strength, the means and the intelligence to cross this river!”

*pppppfffffffuuuuffffffff*

The Lord converted the HR man into an engineer. He took a quick glance on the map, walked a few meters upstream and crossed the bridge.

Moral? You have to be an engineer to think intelligent, Otherwise…
GOD HELP YOU !


Funny Names of IT companies

IT Company Full Names...just don't miss it.... :-

1. NIIT : Not Interested in IT

2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output

3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses

4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions

5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems

6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping

7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds

8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines

9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly

10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors

11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings

12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible

13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort

14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers

15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go

17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.

18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India

19. ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees.

20. PATNI: Pathetic Appraisal Techniques, No Increments.

21. MASTEK: Mad And Stupid Technitians Enroute to Kabaarkhana

Monday, December 21, 2009

Ants in Your Pants

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Men Can Do Anything

Rajasthani Folk Song Padharo Mhaare Des

Kesariya Balam Song

Home Remedies for SWINE FLU


SWINE FLU

Swine flu is spreading through out the world like a fire. It is a kind of respiratory disease that is caused by influenza type A virus. This virus is very similar to the bird flue virus and the main difference is that it is that this type of virus largely affects the pigs but, sometimes, can occur in people having close contact with pigs. Swine flu is infectious and communicable. It can easily spread from one to another through coughing and sneezing. It can affect people of all ages and can cause sore throat, chills, fever, body aches, headaches, etc.

Home Remedies for preventing Swine Flu
  • Only eat home cooked food to improve your bodily resistance
  • Avoid going to crowded places. In case of high necessity to go to such crowded places always cower your mouth with a mask and wear gloves.
  • Wash Your Hands with antiseptic solution: It is thought that swine flu virus can get into the inside of your body through the mouth and nose. Regular washing of your hands, particularly before a meal, with soap and warm water can prevent this. Alternately, you can also wear hand gloves before touching anything directly so as not to get infected.
  • Cover Your Nose and Mouth: If somebody is sneezing or coughing near you, you may want to cover your nose and mouth with the within of your palms or with your hanky. Alternately, you can wear face mask before going outside. These can prevent the virus to get entry into your system.
  • Giloy or amrita or tinospora – this is one of the most powerful home remedies that can prevent swine flu. Make tea of giloy or take it by mixing with triphala twice daily. It is highly recommended by Indian Yoga Guru Baba Ramdev.
  • Drink Lemon Balm Tea: Experts think that the anti-viral actions of lemon balm can treat swine flu. You can drink lemon balm tea two times a day.
  • Chew Fresh Garlic Cloves: Garlic or lasuna or garlic pearls is considered an effective antiviral. Fresh garlic cloves ( two to three ) can be chewed once everyday.
  • Steam Inhalation: It is also recommended that steam inhalation with eucalyptus or chamomile three times a day can relieve from jamming from the lungs. This can help in alleviating swine flu symptoms.




 

Warning: The reader of this article should exercise all precautionary measures while following instructions on the home remedies from this article. Avoid using any of these products if you are allergic to it. The responsibility lies with the reader and not with the site or the writer.
The service is provided as general information only, and should not be treated as a substitute for the medical advice of your own doctor.


Tuesday, November 24, 2009

SMART SENTENCES............


1.  God is real, unless declared integer

2. Before borrowing money from a friend, decide whether you need more.

3. Death is hereditary.

4. There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.

5. An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

6. Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.

7. Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

8. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
 
9. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

10. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

11. Well done is better than well said.

12. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.

13. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

14. If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

15. Where there's a will there are five hundred relatives.

16. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.


Monday, November 23, 2009

Aam hai kya . . .


Part 1

A parrot goes to a shopkeeper and asks ... 'Aam hai kya?'
The shopkeeper says ... 'Nahi. Hum Aam nahi bejte.'

Next day at the same time, the parrot goes again and asks him ...'Aam hai kya ?'
He gets a little irritated and says... 'Aare Bola na, Hum 'Aam nahi Bechte'

On the third day, the parrot goes again and asks him 'Aam hai kya ?'
He gets wild and yells ...'Bola na naahi. Abhi vapas aaya to hathoda marunga sar ke upar'

The next day,the parrot comes again and asks him ..'hathoda hai kya ?'
The shopkeeper says ... 'Nahi'

The parrot then asks ... 'Aam
hai kya ?'


Part-2

The next day parrot again goes to shopkeeper and asks
"Aam hai kya??"

The shopkeeper is ready now....
He quickly pulls a hammer and hits the parrot on the face.

The parrot looses all his teeth
But determined, parrot again goes 2 the shopkeeper next day n asks


Scroll Down

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"AAM KA JUICE
HAI KYA???"


Sunday, November 22, 2009

MONALISA Painting...made of ??

 


Any Guess ? 




Any guess now  ??  
 



 


Artist assistants stand next to 3,604 cups of coffee which have been made into a giant Mona Lisa in Sydney , Australia . The 3,604 cups of coffee were each filled with different amounts of milk to create the different shades!!  
 
WoW !!
Can you think of any other word other than this ??


Thursday, November 12, 2009

35 Amazing facts in the world


1.    Coca-Cola was originally green.
2.    The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
3.    The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.
4.     The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
5.    There are two credit cards for every person in the  United States.
6.    TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only On one row ! of the keyboard.
7.    You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
8.    It is impossible to lick your elbow.
9.    People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.
10. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
11. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
12. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.
13. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history.

     Spades - King David
     Clubs - Alexander the Great,
      Hearts - Charlemagne
      Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
14. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
15.  If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
16. What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common?
 Ans. - All invented by women.
17. Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this?
Ans. – Honey 
18. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
19. A snail can sleep for three years.
20. All polar bears are left handed.
21. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
22. Butterflies taste with their feet.
23. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
24. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
25. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
26. Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
27. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
28. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
29. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
30. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to  squirt blood 30 feet.
31. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.
32. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
33. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
34. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
35. Women blink nearly twice as much as men!!


Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Why "MEN DIE FOR WOMAN" ?



Reason for Tsunami


Salary Days


PERFORMANCE or POSITION


Position or Performance?
 
A Priest dies & is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates.
Ahead of him is a guy, nattily dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.

God asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you into the
kingdom of Heaven or not?

The guy replies: I am Pandi, Auto driver from Chennai !

God consults his ledger, smiles & says to Pandi: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf & enter the
Kingdom of Heaven ..

Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Pope's Assistant so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Church for the last 40 years.

God consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe & enter the
Kingdom of Heaven ...

'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. 'How is it that a foul mouthed, rash driving Auto Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?'

'Results my friend, results,' shrugs God.

'While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his Auto, people PRAYED'


Moral of the story: It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately counts.

Some interesting Facts

Women blink nearly twice as much as men




What is ? |eye blinking|


30 minutes a day -eyes blinking




The average person's eyes will be closed about 30 minutes a day due to blinking.
What is ? |eye blinking|

When and where shoe sizes were standardized? ?


Shoe sizes were standardized in Britain in 1885


Mississippi River flow backwards






An earthquake on Dec. 16, 1811 caused parts of the Mississippi River to flow backwards.
Where is ? |Mississippi River|






Thermometers were filled with Brandy???




Dating back to the 1600's, thermometers were filled with Brandy instead of mercury
What is ? |thermometer|








Blushing




When you blush, the lining of your stomach also turns red
What is ? |Blushing|


Tomato Ketchup was once used as medicine


Tomato Ketchup was once used as medicine in the United States. Was sold as "Dr.Miles Compound Extract of Tomato"
What is ? | Tomato Ketchup|






Not to have a full moon


February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
What is ? | full moon |






Squirt blood 30 feet!!


The human heart creates enough pressure while pumping to squirt blood 30 feet!!
What is ? | human heart |


Six-year-olds laugh an average of 300 times a day

 








Six-year-olds laugh an average of 300 times a day. Adults only laugh 15 to 100 times a day.
More info | Child | Laughing|








Laughing vs Stress


Laughing lowers levels of stress hormones and strengthens the immune system
More info | Laughing | Stress |






Good to Laughing


It's been proven that people can lessen reactions to allergies by laughing.
More info | laughing | google search |




Red blood cell












It takes about 20 seconds for a red blood cell to circle the whole body.

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